Men Are Losers Too?

In the Catholic faith, the sexual act done outside of marriage, even between consenting adults, is considered an offense against God. But what is interesting is that it seems that society, specially here in the Philippines, sees the woman as the more or the only aggrieved party and receives the greater humiliation and shamefacedness compared to the man. There is no doubt that the woman was pained, wounded and damaged by the act. How about the man? Just because he is a man does not mean that he comes out of the act undefiled or untarnished! While it is true that the sexual act is viewed by some as merely a physical issue, it is essentially also a psychological issue to many. To the Catholic faith it is a spiritual issue and therefore involves salvation eventually.

I know that the following reflection may be a vexation to some, will befuddle a lot, and pique many, but I believe I have to raise the thought and at least offer it as a question. My point is that in an illicit sexual act, why is it that it is only the woman who is believed to have lost, had been wrecked, or put to the disadvantage? In many cases, the woman feels more guilty about what happened to her. Society looks at the woman with more pity. On the other hand, the man seems to feel less remorse or very much wanting in self reproach. He is not also seen by society as having lost rather as one who had taken advantage of a "weaker sex". However, before the eyes of faith and God, he is equally guilty. He maybe physically unharmed, but he is definitely spiritually weakened. Therefore, there is no reason why he must have less contrition. Society should also look at him as another victim of the situation.

This difference in treating a woman from a man involved in a sexual act outside of marriage seems to convey the idea that it is always the woman who is more harmed while the man is not. This is not true and should not be propagated. The man should be made aware that he too loses something in a sexual act. He must be made aware that he would also be responsible before God. He must also realize that it will haunt him later in his life. On the other hand, society must also be reminded on the quandary of the man. Without neglecting and easing on the culpability of the man in the act (in case he was responsible for it), society should come to the aid of the man in realizing his situation essentially, psychologically, and spiritually.

I have heard of some lady legislators together with cause-oriented women's group lobbying for more laws against men who "victimize" women. I have nothing against punishing men who are guilty abusing women (and children). If they are guilty, so be it. But I believe that society and the men who are involved in these situations also need elucidation on the subtlety, gravity, and depth of the matter, much more the spiritual and moral damage it has inflicted. Men, after all are human beings too. The damage they have received may have been less than the women, nevertheless, it should be plain that they too needed care and assistance. It will be sad if we have addressed chauvinism but in the process had become ultra-pro feminist! Then, we have shifted from one extreme to the other. We are back to a situation where the problem was just reversed.